When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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