Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
