A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
