he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
