Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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