So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
