My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
