Just mADE A PArabola og urine
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
