The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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