I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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