I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
