Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
