well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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