I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
