there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
