Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
