If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Bring me that man meat
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
