We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
