you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
