hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
