At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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