i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
