Will you blow on my dice?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I didn't notice because vodka
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
