3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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