So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
