So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
