i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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