At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
