he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
