You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
