I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
