we have pet lesbian snakes
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
we're so committed to being not committed
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
