I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
