Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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