But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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