I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
