Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
