No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
