how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
