it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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