I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
