Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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