yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
