she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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