I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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