What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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