Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
