sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
