Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
