Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
